The beautiful

Today we had teachers tea. Each month we invite English department teachers over to visit. Usually only a few will come, but it has been a good way to finally become familiar with the other teachers. It’s good to have colleagues that you actually know and can talk to. We talked about differences between examinations, scholarships, and universities in China and America. We talked about weddings. One of the teachers had just gotten married, and another will be getting married the same week as I.

After teachers tea, I walked to the supermarket. When I went to pay for my groceries and handed the cashier a bill, he just stared at it, shaking his head in confusion. I was trying to figure out what was wrong with it. Maybe the little magnetic strip they look for was missing. What if I had counterfeit money? The cashier called his friend over to look. The friend also looked perplexed and said hesitantly, “RMB?” That was when I realized that I was trying to pay with Thai baht. They look so similar. Except for the picture of the king. I smiled sheepishly at the cashier, who looked relieved when I pulled out a Mao.

As I was walking back through campus, the wind kept flipping my hair up over my head and into my face. I wasn’t sure if people were staring because I was a foreigner or because my hair was going crazy. I was thinking about how out of place I feel and how I am getting tired of never being able to belong. I couldn’t ignore all the stares I was getting, all of the stares which make me feel more like a circus exhibit than a person.

And then I saw this little girl. She was riding side-saddle on the back of her mother’s bicycle, perfectly balanced without even holding on. She was perhaps seven or eight years old, but her face was a mix of innocence and serenity. I kept looking at her, a little mesmerized, and after a few seconds she looked at me as well. She just looked at me, straight in my eyes, like she was glad to see me, like she knew who I was. After a moment, she started to smile, a simple, knowing smile. A smile that seemed to say, “Today I know I am beautiful just because I am alive. Today we are just the same; we can see it in each other’s eyes.” I echoed her smile, a long, familiar smile, and we continued to watch each other until she rounded the corner into the distance. Those are the kind of things that give you faith in life.