Salad Barring

Last weekend Christina and I went to Pizza Hut. Other than McDonald’s and KFC, Pizza Hut is about the only western food in town. It costs 5-10 times as much as a normal Chinese meal (the prices are pretty similar to the US), so it’s usually reserved for special occasions like birthdays. But on Saturday night the Brennans were gone to Beijing (probably eating yummy Mexican food) and the Hanings were having a special date night, so Christina and I decided to have our own date night.

Pizza Hut is right in the center of town and pretty much fine dining, so it’s usually really crowded on the weekends with the upper-class Chinese crowd. We were surprised to find it not very crowded at all, and while we were waiting for our takeout, we had the bench all to ourselves. We waited and watched the salad bar.

Watching people at a Chinese salad bar is always interesting. If you have never seen a salad bar in China, let me explain. First of all, the salad bar is mostly fruit and Thousand Island dressing, since an “American” salad consists of a little bit of shredded iceberg, a few shredded carrots, and one or two cherry tomatoes, all doused in Thousand Island dressing. Do you see why I’m excited about eating salad this summer?

If you order a salad bar (only found at Westernish restaurants), you are given one small bowl, about the size of a flattened McDonald’s hamburger and one trip to get your money’s worth. This one-trip rule is the reason for the birth of Chinese salad art. People spend twice as long as we would think necessary at the salad bar carefully piling up fruits and vegetables one on top of another in a precarious mound that is twice as tall as the actual bowl. Salad-barring is a skill.

On Saturday at Pizza Hut, the lady at the salad bar had this skill down to a science. First, she brought her dinner plate over to use as a prep plate. She piled the plate high with pineapple and carefully arranged the pieces around the edge of the bowl to form a wall. She kept digging out more and more pineapple, making the wall two layers high and reinforcing the cracks. The wall was twice as big as the bowl. Along the top of the wall she placed a layer of thinly sliced cucumbers. After about five minutes of working on this, she started meticulously filling the inside of her now double-sized bowl, one piece at a time. I could swear she was packing down the fruit like one packs brown sugar before measuring.

The Pizza Hut workers kept walking by and watching her, but they didn’t say anything. They are used to the salad art. They could complain about two trips to the salad bar, but not about one trip with salad art. We had to leave before she was finished. She had been at it almost ten minutes and would probably be at it at least that much longer. I’m pretty sure she got her money’s worth. I hope she didn’t drop it on the way back to her table.

(I was trying to get a picture, but I couldn't get it to turn out very well. If you look closely, the big, yellow mound in the center is her pineapple wall.)

And the Streets are Paved with Cheese

So yes, ladies and gentlemen, exactly 30 days from today I will be back in America. Woah! While I am looking forward to a lot of big things like being home with my family, getting to see my friends again, and hanging out in Chicago, there are a number of small things that excite me too, like...

- The cereal aisle at the grocery store
- Playing my harp
- TP in the bathrooms
- Free water
- Ridiculously large drinks
- …with ice
- …and free refills
- Driving a car
- Houses with yards
- Restaurants that aren’t Pizza Hut and McDonalds
- Sharp cheddar cheese
- Cherry coke
- Salad
- Good bread
- Mexican food
- Okay, I could go on and on about this food thing…
- Hearing some really good Southern drawl
- Talking to the cashier and the waiter and the bag-boy and anyone I feel like
- Listening in on other people’s conversations
- Libraries and bookstores
- People of all different races and ethnicities
- Beds that don’t resemble planks
- Couches that don’t resemble planks
- Walking outside barefoot
- Outside being so clean that you can walk inside with shoes on
- All kinds of good coffee
- Underground sewage
- Fresh air that even smells healthy
- Crickets, tree-frogs, and lightening bugs
- Abundant sarcasm
- American-sized clothing
- Walking through a store…and nobody noticing
- Watching dumb shows on TV just cause they’re in English
- Country radio stations


Things I sure won’t miss while I’m gone:
- The loudspeakers
- Spitting and emptying of noses on the sidewalks
- Public nose picking
- The pointing, staring, and yelling of “Nice to meet you”
- People peering into my cart at the store
- A billion freakishly skinny people
- Dust, dirtiness, and red skies
- The smell of Stinky River
- The constant noise


Things I will miss about China:
- Bike riding…oh wait, I don’t have a bike anymore…
- My plants, which will die
- Rice. Seriously, I love it.
- My students (anyway, most of them)
- The new collapsing giraffe toy I just bought
- Walking and biking everywhere
- A world stock-full of people
- Talking about the weird hair of the person next to you and knowing they can’t understand
- Christina telling what people are saying about us without them knowing she understands
- Little kids who stare at you like they’ve just seen superman.
- Being able to eat out for less than a dollar

A Good China Day

20 Reasons today was a good day:
- My freshmen gave really impressive persuasive speeches.
- Tomorrow morning I teach my favorite freshmen. (Shh, don’t tell that I have a favorite)
- Several former students, who I hadn’t seen in a few weeks, I saw 3 times today.
- Logan was looking exceptionally cute and laughing a lot.
- I got my lesson planned for tomorrow.
- The weather is warm, quite warm, and sunny.
- The loudspeaker nearest my apartment is broken again – finally!
- I only have four more classes of teaching my...not so favorite students.
- The campus copy man practiced speaking to me in English. I love our little copy family, and they love us because we make tons of copies!
- I got an exceptional number of stares on the way to the supermarket, but they didn’t seem unfriendly or angry.
- I discovered pasta at the supermarket.
- I bought juicy, purple plums.
- I saw a shirt that said “Juicy American.” I’m going to have to buy one.
- A man on the bus wearing a yellow construction hat smiled through three stops. Most people don’t smile that much.
- I made banana bread.
- While listening to Sara Evans' "Real Fine Place" that I borrowed from Corrine.
- I am re-reading Till We Have Faces for about the 7th time.
- I have kept two plants alive for almost two months.
- In 33 days I will be flying back to America.
- For no particular reason, I’m just in a good mood…

Weird

Corrine and I were talking about what it will be like to be home this summer. To see people we haven't seen in a while. People who have moved or gotten married or bought houses or maybe haven't changed that much at all. It will be weird. I think we'll realize how different our lives are. Right now it doesn't seem so different. Except that I guess most people can actually talk to the people around them.

We remembered back to the beginning of a year when we arrived in a daze. We looked around thinking, 'Oh my gosh, I live in China.' We wondered when it would become normal and routine.
It struck me that what is weird now is not that I live in China, but that everyone else doesn't...

Random Thoughts About...

Dishwashing
I have had dishes piled up on my counter for 4 days how. Everyone, be impressed. I have this particular OCD behavior related to dishwashing. I’ve been working on that. My teammates are both impressed and disgusted (that I have to force myself not to wash dishes…) I am disturbed though, that the water in my kitchen sink is coming out warm. I don’t get warm water to my sink. I wonder where this water is coming from, as I stare out at the warm, murky waters of Stinky River.

Centipedes
Last night I saw a huge (well, at least 2 inches), black, furry centipede on my bathroom wall. Or is it a millipede? Who knows the difference. It had a ridiculous number of long legs. When I smashed it with a shoe it still tried to run away. It ended up splattered all over the floor. Gross. So gross. What if there’s more? I hear that some are poisonous. It would be so…meaningless to be killed by a centipede.

Chinese Language
We found out that we are going to have a final exam in our Chinese class. I think we would have freaked out if it hadn’t seemed so surreal. What happens if we fail? Will they kick us out of class. Either they will have ridiculously low standards (“Say thank you in Chinese”) or I will fail. I’m doomed.
In fact, I seemed to be entirely doomed when it comes to Chinese. I am bad at Chinese. So I think, I should study more Chinese. But there is this strange natural response to avoid things that you’re really bad at. I find myself avoiding studying Chinese at all costs. So I’m still bad at Chinese.

Crazy-Exploding Flower Torches
Last week was Logan’s first birthday, so he had two big parties to accommodate everyone who wanted to come. Our school Foreign Affairs Officials came to the second. They brought a Chinese cake and a special Chinese flower-candle. I guess it would be called a candle. Here’s how it works.
Light eight little candles around the outside petals.
Candles light big torch in middle.
Flower petals burst open and torch shoots up 6 inch flame.
Flower starts squealing Happy Birthday.
Flower starts melting and drops burning pieces onto cake.
Candles are quickly blown out.
Flower is disassembled to stop incessant squealing of “Happy Birthday.”
You want to know what modern Chinese culture values? Crazy-exploding flower-torch has the answer. The louder, pinker (did I mention it was pink?), tackier, shriller, more combustible an item is, the better.

Okay, off to study some Chinese. Really, I am. And those dishes I was talking about? Yeah, I already washed them. I couldn't help it. I'm so much happier now.

Zilda's Wilmart Adventures

Written by Zilda
[This is a true story. Names have been changed to protect the privacy of involved people and shopping centers.]

Once upon a time a mom (we’ll call her Zilda) wanted to get cold medicine and allergy stuff for her daughter, so she went to “WilMart.” At WilMart, Zilda found pills of Tylenol Sinus Nighttime, so she put that in her cart. There was no nighttime cold medicine (for coughs, too) except for the yucky lemon stuff. (Editor’s note: yucky lemon stuff makes daughter feel even sicker.) Then Zilda got 2 cards for Claritin-D and took them to the Pharmacy. Since Claritin-D contains sudafed which some people buy in large quantities so they can make meth, Claritin-D is kept behind the counter.

When Zilda handed the lady (we’ll call her Wilhelmina) her cards, Wilhelmina says she had to have her driver's license and put her into the computer. Then Wilhelmina, sounding like she is talking to a naughty student, said, "Oh, you can only buy one box!" Zilda replied, "But I want to send these to my daughter in [an unnamed east-Asian country], and I need more than one box." The scornful Wilhelmina says, "They will only let you get one box!" (Who is they???) Zilda says, "Okay, give me one box; I'll go somewhere else and get another." Wilhelmina is horrified! "No! Your license number is in the computer system. You will not be able to buy more today."

Zilda started to wonder if Wilhelmina was going to call the police and report a potential meth dealer. Wilhelmina looked at Zilda for a while and finally said, "Maybe your husband can buy some using his driver's license." Zilda explained that she wanted to have it in the mail in 30 minutes so it would start its long trip to [unnamed east-Asian country]. Wilhelmina had no sympathy.

But -- ah ha! Zilda did not give up easily. She went to “CVF” Pharmacy. There she found a box of Claritin-D on the shelf. She also found some Nyquil that looked like a possibility for cough/cold symptoms. Zilda quickly went to the front of the store. The lady (we’ll call her poor Dora) started to check her out and the computer system locked up! Meanwhile the line gets very long. Poor Dora gets a register working and quickly checks out Zilda and doesn't even ask for her driver's license since the computer is messed up. Ho Ho Ho. Zilda wins again!

Note from the Author: It takes something like 30-60 boxes of straight sudafed to make a small batch of meth. Do they think I am going to separate the D from the Clartin?????
Moral of story: plan ahead for allergies and colds. Stock up!

Worth It All

The last time I went through a period of really bad depression was in college. It was a rough time for both my roommate and I, and we kept this song on repeat for about a year. It gave us something to cling to, and I think it got us through. Once again, I don’t understand, and praise seems almost impossible, almost ludicrous. But this is all I have to believe in – that it will be worth it all.

I don’t understand your ways
But I will give you my song
And I’ll give you all of my praise.

You hold on to all my pain
And with it you are pulling me closer
Pulling me into your ways

Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I’m not looking for crowns anymore
Or the water from fountains
I’m desperate in seeking
Frantic, believing
The sight of your face
Is all that I’m needing…I will say to you

It’s gonna be worth it
It’s gonna be worth it
It’s gonna be worth it all.

Not Just a Victim

I can’t say I’m just an innocent victim in all of this. That is how I like to think of myself, to dodge any responsibility. But I know that my rebellion, anger, and selfish pride have brought me down, and my unwillingness to admit their existence has kept me in darkness. The Israelites, wandering in the desert were not blameless. They were angry and bitter and rebellious as well. They could not leave the desert because they were not willing to leave. No, their stay in the desert was not a result of cruelty or punishment. It was a result of their own unwillingness to be led. If they would not acknowledge their Leader in the desert, how could they follow him out of the desert to victory in the promise land? They were finally led into the promise land not because they had perfected themselves but because they were finally willing to follow. And so, with much failing and faltering and many small victories, they gained possession of the land.

A Grown-up Six Year-old

When I am teaching or around other adults, I usually feel pretty young. But sometimes I have these really adult sort of moments, the kind that would have perplexed and disappointed the six year old that I once was. I was determined to stay young and play with toys forever, never sitting around having hour long conversations (what is there to talk about for so long anyway?). Not only did I fail to meet my childhood dream of living with Jessica Davis on a horse farm, I have become a boring adult at only (almost) twenty-three.
Evidence: Today I bought shelves for my kitchen, and I was really excited. I opened them and put them together as soon as I got home, then I spent the whole afternoon cleaning and organizing and rearranging my kitchen. And I had fun. It was the same thrill as building forts in the backyard or dressing up Barbies or escaping from an evil stepmother in the middle of a raging hurricane (with probably a war, a fire, and a daring horse-race thrown in for good measure).
It’s moments like those, or when I exchange recipes with my friends, or basically every time I buy vegetables, that I really wonder when I stopped being six.