What is Church?

Sunday Morning
On Sunday morning I walked to church. Wheaton is a very churchy town, and as I was walking I passed dozens of people all dressed up walking and driving to and from churches on almost every corner. By the time I got to the church I was headed for, I decided that I was a little weirded out by the whole church culture. Everyone dressed up picture perfect flocking into stately buildings. It felt like…pride? I wonder what it would look like to an outsider. I walked by a park and almost stopped there because it seemed so beautiful and friendly. But it’s not like I go to church often, at least a church I can understand.

Church culture is kind of hard to crack. I feel really awkward visiting churches, and I’ve grown up in them. Even in a crowded room, everyone is alone, focused on the singers or pastor or whoever is up front. They talk about community but people hardly look at each other. They notice the clothes you wear or check to make sure your purse matches with your shoes and avoid looking into your eyes.

The music starts. Even voices, smooth transitions. It reminds me of elevator music or the “easy listening” selections. The lights dim, the music fades, and the people pray. They stand and sit down and pass the little silver trays. They all do it so smoothly, and the leaders always say the right things. The pastor speaks slowly, pausing unnaturally at places that don’t need emphasis. Do they have classes for that in seminary? When he prays at the end, the song leaders slip in quietly and are back in place by the “amen,” seamlessly moving into the closing song. The lights come back on and the performance is over.

I am left feeling surreal. This doesn’t connect to normal life. I don’t mean to bash the church people or say I am better or more sincere than them. I am sure they were sincere and that some need in them was met. I just can’t understand it anymore, because my life is full of unmatching accessories and awkward transitions and people saying the wrong things. And if my prayers had background music it wouldn’t be easy listening.

Sunday Night
Sunday night I went to a potluck kind of dinner with others from my class. We are all teachers in Asia and therefore a unique mix. We aren’t around friends most of the year, so we like to take advantage of this time to be as social as possible. After eating we sat around singing songs – hymns and rounds and even one gospel song with a three-part harmony. We aren’t too embarrassed by sounding bad or forgetting the words.

We prayed too, in between the songs, and after a while I asked for prayer about the depression. I didn’t want to, because who wants to suddenly be the vulnerable one in a big group of people? But I felt that pounding in my spirit saying, “Just do it. Just do it.” For a brief minute everyone was quiet while I looked at the floor. Then someone asked if I’d move closer in so they could pray for me.

I didn’t have to look at their eyes. I could feel the warmth in their hands and their voices as they surrounded me. I wasn’t alone in this; I couldn’t have been less alone. I don’t know that I’ve ever been surrounded by such love and acceptance. I don’t know that I’ve ever experienced so closely what community is. Some people knew me pretty well, some people hardly at all. But we were all connected together. We realize we are in this race together, and that means sharing the burdens and pains.

Wednesday Night
On Wednesday night I went to this mega church complex called Willow Creek. It was huge. For example, it had…
- A huge auditorium with two balconies of stadium seating.
- A parking lot big enough to need the rows numbered like in an airport.
- Sight maps and computer information stations.
- Waterfalls.
- Escalators in the main atrium area.
- A bookstore (the size of any independent Christian bookstore), cafeteria, and coffee shop.
- At least 6 large television screens within the main auditorium so everyone could see the speaker up close and personal like.
Thus the “church complex” part. Kind of like an airport or Disneyland. It was interesting. Kind of sensory overload.

Enculturation

Chicago is a great city. On Sunday night I went to Green Mill, a jazz club that’s one of the oldest in the country. We got really lost trying to go there and spent about 3 hours wandering around Chicago, but it was okay. I had my first taxi ride in America, in addition to my first jazz club experience. I’m now a big fan of jazz clubs. On Tuesday night I went to see “Rebel without a Cause” in Grant Park. There were lots of people at the park, but I’m still amazed by how comparatively empty the streets in Chicago are. There are big wide sidewalks with nobody on them. So it was fun to watch a movie outside with the Chicago skyline rising up on the right and fireworks going off over Navy Pier on the right. The people in front of us were serious movie watchers who kept turning around and glaring at any noise we made. The people behind us were drinking and smoking and interacting with the movie, making funny comments the whole time. My friend Easten was explaining the cultural and historical significance of all the scenes cause he’s smart and knowledgeable about that sort of thing. So even though James Dean movies are notoriously depressing, it was fun. On Thursday night I went to the Art Institute, which is probably the best art museum I’ve been to yet. It was overwhelmingly good. All these famous paintings that you’ve seen hundreds of times are suddenly two feet away and are real. Plus there were bunches of other less famous but still amazing things. I spent most of the time in Impressionism and Modern Art, but I’m thinking of going back next week to see more. It’s free two evenings a week. And last night I went to see Superman, or Superman Returns, or whatever movie it is that’s out. Friday night at a movie theater – still cultural, but in a less refined way. We sat in the very front row (another first) because it was all that was left and scrunched down in our seats so we could actually see most of the screen at one time.
Oh yeah, and in between all that I’m going to classes. I don’t want you to think I’m squandering this precious learning time or anything like that. I just want to make the best use of the precious social time too. It's not everyday you get to hang out in Chicago. It's not everyday you get to have friends around.

America Moments

I used to have these weird, “Wow, I’m in China” moments. Now I sometimes have “Wow, I’m in America” moments. Most times everything seems all normal and then suddenly you realize that you are sitting in a coffee shop. Or on an empty sidewalk by a busy street. For all the good sidewalks in this country, people don’t walk much.

I just finished the first class that I was taking, and on Monday I start the second two weeks of class. It’s kind of nuts. The last class was really interesting – Contextualization. We looked at how culture impacts all the aspects of life and how to put things into the context of different cultures. We had lots of discussions and looked at case studies and wrote papers. It gave me lots to think about but not really any answers. It’s amazing how much culture shapes everything.

My longtime friend Patti came to visit for the past few days. She saw a rather scary brain-dead, sleep-deprived version of myself. She said since going to China I have lost the ability to talk correctly. Quite true. I tend to leave out articles or put them in the wrong places and use words in forms that don’t exist. I think I’ve also lost most of my multiple-syllable vocabulary.

Wheaton

Well, I'm back to being a student. An easier role than being teacher, but one that makes it possible to tune out for longer periods of time. Classes are interesting so far, but today we were in class from 8-5. It was a long time. We did have 4th of July off, though, and that was cool. The night before I went with a group of people down to Chicago to see fireworks. There were large crowds of people kind of like in China, but unlike China, there were breaks in the crowds and nobody elbowed each other. In fact, in an American crowd, you aren't even allowed to touch other people. Everyone tries to keep their personal space barrier, which is kind of funny. So we watched fireworks and ate at an outdoor restaurant. There were lots of drunk people and lots of security guards. Walking back to the train station, there were about 6 cops on every corner - just hanging out talking to each other because nothing was going on. And on the train, there were lots of security guards. They were big and intimidating and kept walking through the cars keeping everyone calm, if not quiet.
And then Tuesday morning I saw part of the Wheaton parade. Wheaton is a small town, and it was a small town parade. Lots of families dressed in red, white, and blue waving flags. It was cute. There were bands, old cars, politicians, tractors, and two bagpipe bands. Who knew there were so many bagpipers in Wheaton?
Now I am sitting at a little coffee shop that has free wireless. I have a big mug of coffee and a soft red couch. I have my homework sitting out next to me, but clearly I'm not doing it. I've noticed that being a teacher doesn't so much make me a better student. More sympathetic maybe, but not better.
Just wanted to let you know I'm still alive. And I will be for the next three weeks, even if you don't hear from me. Happy July.