Wedding Rules

Does it seem to anyone else like March has lasted forever? Why do we have all these 31 day months anyway?

Lately I have been frustrated. Well, lately I have been irritable, emotional, irrational, uptight, and frustrated. My friends reassure me it is just because I am stressed and a girl. I’m not sure if that is a relief or a horrible insult to the female gender, but whichever—I am driving myself completely nuts!

I think the hardest thing right now is feeling out of control. I am a typical westerner. Moving to China has just made me realize how much I like to be in control. Planning a wedding from the wrong side of the world has made me realize how little I can control. I’m not even doing a lot, because I can’t, and that is what bugs me most. Realizing there are so many things to figure out and not being able to figure out any of them.

Tonight I was talking with a teacher friend who is also getting married in the beginning of October. It was strangely comforting to hear her stress over wedding details as well. She has different things to worry about, of course. She is trying to figure out what is a traditional Chinese wedding (because they are such a blend of traditional and modern/western now) and what all the various rituals actually mean. She was talking about finding a dress (actually two dresses - a big white one and a traditional qi pao) and a photographer and a host. I was talking about changing the church and date for my wedding (which yes, I am in the process of doing), and also looking into photographers. I plan on going with her to get my dress made in a city nearby (where the most expensive styles are no more than $200), but I can’t see about that for a few more months.

She also explained that her parents had to find a good date for her to marry based on the lunar calendar. I was getting confused just hearing her talk about it, so I’m glad I don’t have to do that. In China, the number 8 is a good number (thus the Olympics are starting on 8/8/08), so many people will get married next year. “This year is actually not a good year to get married,” she said, “But since I will be married on October 2^nd, that is a good date.” She said October 6^th was the other good date she considered. She was excited to hear I had chosen that date and then disappointed to hear I would probably change to the 7^th.

“Seven is a good number in America, though,” I said. The number of perfection. Which is why so many people in America are getting married on 7/7/07. And we think we aren’t superstitious… I don’t really care about the good luck associated with 7, but I am a bit picky about numbers in general. 10/7/07. That seems like a nice date.

That’s not the reason I’m changing, btw. The original church decided to have all of these ridiculous regulations and nitpicky rules, as I am finding that many churches do (what is with churches anyway? I’m a bit annoyed…). The last straw was the “no pictures during the wedding” rule. I woke up the other morning in a bad mood (because it was 6:40am on a day I didn’t have to teach and someone was shooting off firecrackers, and because I have been in a bad mood for most of, oh, about two weeks…). So when I woke up in a bad mood I thought, “You know what. This is ridiculous. I want pictures of getting married! I am not being unreasonable—I just want pictures!” So that, among other things, caused for a change in plans.

Anyway, at this point, so long as something happens and at the end I am married – that’s great. And then Kevin and I will get to be together. I should not take that for granted. My teacher friend who is getting married in October – not so lucky. She and her boyfriend will get married. Then she will finish out the school year in Yangzhou while he finishes working in his own city. In the summer, they will move to live together. People do that in China! It completely blows my mind! I hate long-distance engagement. But long-distance marriage is pretty common here. Just so you know, I would not be okay with that. Not at all. I would be okay with the parents and in-laws buying (yes, buying) and furnishing a house for the new couple, which they also do here. But not at the expense of starting my married life separated from my husband. Give me a nice little trailer home any day.