Seeking

It’s interesting how we go forth trying to save the world. Maybe it’s the arrogance of youth, an arrogance which seems to pervade the social fabric of our young nation. In one way or another, with war or peace, with words or deeds, we want to bring our knowledge and values and perspectives to the world. We’ve never quite recovered from the “manifest destiny” mindset.

I wanted to save the world. Who doesn’t? That’s what we’re trained to do from childhood – get smarter and stronger and more able so that we have something to offer. We think of service as standing over someone giving them something they need. So long as we are in the position of strength and they (whoever we want to serve) are in the position of meek acceptance, we feel successful. Interesting how we twist around the idea of service to meet the needs of our egos.

I say “we” in all of this. I know that these thoughts and ideas are in me, and I don’t think I’m smart enough to come up with them on my own. I think they are ideas I’ve acquired from 22 years of living with other people. Maybe you aren’t included in the “we.” Maybe you’ve already figured all this out. No, actually I don’t think so. I know that you’re human and you don’t have all the answers either.

I left America sure of what I believed, eager to show the rest of the world how right I was. I know the things which are important, I thought. I just need to enlighten the rest of the world.

And then I realized, am realizing, slowly, that I may not be right. I may not know the things which are important. I’m not so sure of what I believe. I need to be enlightened.

At this point, maybe you are getting nervous. You don’t like uncertainty. Too much questioning leaves you on shaky ground. You are afraid I am rejecting what is right and what is wrong. I am becoming “post-modern,” or “relativistic,” or something equally horrible. You say, “You went to China to influence others, not for them to influence you.”

Do you have so little faith in seeking? I do believe there is Truth. But I don’t believe I have a perfect grasp on it. There are parts of the truth which I can see that my Chinese friend cannot. There are parts of the truth which my Chinese friend can see that I cannot. I am both enlightened and blinded by my background, education, family, society, and culture. I don’t want to sit back in arrogant contentment, unwilling to widen my narrow perspective on the world.

If I seek, I will find Truth. Isn't that a promise? If I seek with my Chinese friends, perhaps we will find Truth together.