Zilda's Wilmart Adventures

Written by Zilda
[This is a true story. Names have been changed to protect the privacy of involved people and shopping centers.]

Once upon a time a mom (we’ll call her Zilda) wanted to get cold medicine and allergy stuff for her daughter, so she went to “WilMart.” At WilMart, Zilda found pills of Tylenol Sinus Nighttime, so she put that in her cart. There was no nighttime cold medicine (for coughs, too) except for the yucky lemon stuff. (Editor’s note: yucky lemon stuff makes daughter feel even sicker.) Then Zilda got 2 cards for Claritin-D and took them to the Pharmacy. Since Claritin-D contains sudafed which some people buy in large quantities so they can make meth, Claritin-D is kept behind the counter.

When Zilda handed the lady (we’ll call her Wilhelmina) her cards, Wilhelmina says she had to have her driver's license and put her into the computer. Then Wilhelmina, sounding like she is talking to a naughty student, said, "Oh, you can only buy one box!" Zilda replied, "But I want to send these to my daughter in [an unnamed east-Asian country], and I need more than one box." The scornful Wilhelmina says, "They will only let you get one box!" (Who is they???) Zilda says, "Okay, give me one box; I'll go somewhere else and get another." Wilhelmina is horrified! "No! Your license number is in the computer system. You will not be able to buy more today."

Zilda started to wonder if Wilhelmina was going to call the police and report a potential meth dealer. Wilhelmina looked at Zilda for a while and finally said, "Maybe your husband can buy some using his driver's license." Zilda explained that she wanted to have it in the mail in 30 minutes so it would start its long trip to [unnamed east-Asian country]. Wilhelmina had no sympathy.

But -- ah ha! Zilda did not give up easily. She went to “CVF” Pharmacy. There she found a box of Claritin-D on the shelf. She also found some Nyquil that looked like a possibility for cough/cold symptoms. Zilda quickly went to the front of the store. The lady (we’ll call her poor Dora) started to check her out and the computer system locked up! Meanwhile the line gets very long. Poor Dora gets a register working and quickly checks out Zilda and doesn't even ask for her driver's license since the computer is messed up. Ho Ho Ho. Zilda wins again!

Note from the Author: It takes something like 30-60 boxes of straight sudafed to make a small batch of meth. Do they think I am going to separate the D from the Clartin?????
Moral of story: plan ahead for allergies and colds. Stock up!