A Bunch of Random Confusion

Time in China is confusing. Not only is it 12 or 13 or 15 or 16 hours different from all of you, depending on the time of year, I've also lived an entire day you've barely even started. And not only does China have its own new year, its universities also like to play around with the days of the week.
Whenever there is a school holiday, some of the days are made up on the weekend before or after. Since Monday and Tuesday were declared a holiday for New Years (declared what, a week ago?), today, Saturday, became Tuesday. Can you understand why the finals schedules got so confused? Saturday was Tuesday, Monday will be held on Thursday, but only on Guang Ling campus because they also have Wednesday off. On the central campus they have classes on Wednesday and don’t have to make up Monday. And in Guang Ling, they make up Wednesday but not Monday, and presumably Thursday is just lost in the shuffle. The time for my finals has changed back and forth at least half a dozen times in the past week as everyone tries to figure out what is going on.
So anyway, today was technically Tuesday. This morning when I got up in the 6:30am darkness I was a bit perturbed about losing out on my Saturday. The students were obviously not entirely thrilled about the idea either, as it took them longer than usual to stir from their dorms. I kept looking out the window (the dormitories are about 50 feet away) to make sure that I wasn’t the only one up on this rainy, miserable morning. But no, students are used to the shuffle and were diligently walking to their classrooms at 7:30am. I passed several kids who were dawdling along on their way to school. They always have classes on Saturday, although they get done at noon instead of the weekday 5pm. I like watching the neighborhood kids wander slowly behind my apartment on their way to the primary (elementary) school next door. They jump to grab tree branches and throw rocks in Stinky River and stop to examine trash on the ground, savoring their last few minutes of freedom. It reminds me that they're still kids.
On the bus I sat next to a talkative teacher who kept asking questions about Tom and Jerry. "Why does Tom (or was it Jerry) go flat when he is surprised or angry?" The problem is, I don’t analyze cartoons. They don’t make sense. They aren’t supposed to. Why does Wylie Coyote never die? Because if he did, Road Runner would get bored.
She also expressed concern because sometimes I wear skirts. “I am worried about foreign teachers like you because there is no heat in the classrooms.” Should I be disturbed that Everyone notices what I wear?
She also thought I was Corrine. A foreigner is a foreigner, no matter what color the eyes or hair or skin.
Okay, another random tangent. A couple of weeks ago when I walked into my freshmen class I had my hair tucked underneath my coat. I noticed that half of the class was kind of staring at me perplexedly and whispering, but I ignored it as I got out my stuff for class. While I was looking over the lesson plan I absentmindedly pulled my hair out from inside my coat and the whole side of the room erupted into giggles and loud whispering. I looked up and realized that they thought I had chopped all my hair off. How can 20 something students be staring at you and all thinking the same thing? Why are 20 something students staring at my hair? I just kept laughing every time I thought of it. What if I died my hair black or shaved it all off. They would flip out.
Oh yeah, so back to people noticing every little thing I do. I guess it’s kind of like being a celebrity, in a weird annoying way. Once I was having a conversation with a student, and in the middle of talking about something mildly serious, she suddenly says, “You have beautiful eyes.” What? How is that related to anything? Another student asked me about some random comment I had made in class months ago. How do they remember these things?
Okay, I’m so far gone on tangents that I have no idea where I was going with this. I was on the bus to Guang Ling campus. I gave interviews to my freshmen this morning. I decided they are really cute. I see them all the time in this vast classroom of 45 students where they are sitting quietly in their desk in the back, but it’s different to see them one-on-one two feet from you. They become more real. They each have individual lives and stories and problems and goals. You get the feeling that they are standing in front of you like a third grader who just really wants you to like them. And they’re so nervous.
And I was so tired. I kept zoning out when they were talking and thinking, “I guess I have to count that as correct ‘cause I have no idea what they just said.” I looked at my watch and it was only 8:15 and I still had 3 and ½ hours of this left and I was already out of coffee.
Anyway, I finished with that and stood on the muddy road waiting for the bus. Along with the hordes of students who were making a mass exodus to their homes for the three or four day break. We had to wait for several buses to pass by until there was one that had enough room to cram us in.
I was so tired and I was going to take a nap this afternoon but then I got distracted by mopping and now it’s almost time for our New Years party. It’s almost New Years. Or at least here. The first one. I’m so confused. Time is so relative. Let’s be honest; the only thing consistent about time is the ball dropping, right? That’s the real new years. The time zone stuff is all just too confusing.
I have no idea what all of this is about. I just started writing, I don’t even remember why, and the rest is just a sampling from my jumbled mental state. If I ever write a book, and if I ever include some of this stuff in it, this blog will definitely be edited out. Woah, speaking of which, did you know that “blog” is not in the Microsoft Word dictionary? It needs to get up with the times. Happy New Years, whenever you have it. Wishing you (and me) greater mental stability in the one to come.

China-style Christmas

(warning, this is practically book-length).

For all of you that were wondering (and really, even if you weren’t wondering), I had a great Christmas. My students and friends really helped to make it special. They were so excited to learn more about Christmas. They knew that it was important to me so they brought cards and presents and Christmas wishes. Once a student said, “We have a language barrier and our cultures our different. We don’t always understand each other, but we have warm hearts.” In these past few weeks I have definitely experienced the warmth of their hearts.

On Christmas Eve I had one of my classes over for a Christmas party. I was busy refilling food and drinks while they made snowflakes and Christmas cards. They started playing some card games (the girls and guys even playing together!). I’m not sure what they were playing, but they were laughing and yelling and really getting into it! I was exhausted, but I liked watching them have so much fun.

The Christmas Eve service that I was kind of dreading I actually ended up really enjoying! Something about being around so many people is exhilarating, and I have never seen so many people in Yangzhou as I did on Christmas Eve! Christmas is starting to become popular in China, but it is mostly celebrated on Christmas Eve, by going out to dinner or partying in town.

Several students went with me to the service, and we left about an hour earlier. When we got to the bus stop outside the campus gate, there were already about 20 people waiting. Normally there are about 2. Two buses passed by without stopping because they were too full to take on any more passengers. Not America full, but China full, meaning it would be physically impossible to squeeze one more person through the door. Finally the third bus stopped. There were still about two feet of space in front of the door, so it let us on. About a dozen people crowded into that space. It was definitely the most crowded bus I’ve ever been on, including the ones I took in Beijing.

We got off at the stop near downtown and walked the rest of the way. Everyone who lives in the Yangzhou area must have been downtown. I’m a terrible judge of numbers, but there must have been thousands. We passed the Pizza Hut and the 100 foot line outside. The buildings were lit up and purple, green, and blue spot lights swung across the sky. Shops competed with one another to see who could blare their music the loudest.

Guards were waiting at the door of the church to ward off anyone who did not have tickets. The building was already packed past capacity. We were ushered to an empty pew at the very front to the side of the stage. We had a great view of everyone in the audience and of the twelve foot Christmas tree by the stage. And we could see about half of the performance.

The performance was definitely Chinese. Since that doesn’t mean a whole lot to you, it’s hard to describe. The choir sang Christmas songs. Young women danced traditional dances and old women performed traditional drum routines. Men performed skits and recited poetry. Cute children danced and sang. A group played classical Chinese instruments. I’m not sure what they all were, but my favorite was the guqin (zithers) because they sounded similar to harp.

Altogether there were 16 performances. It was certainly not peaceful or candlelit. Throughout the whole performance, there were people talking, walking in front of the stage, and loudly blowing their noses. Babies were crying. Children were running around, playing with the Christmas tree, and playing with the impromptu stage curtain. But they were enjoying it. I couldn’t understand the skits, but I smiled when everyone laughed because I loved to see their happiness.
At the end, the choir sang the Hallelujah Chorus in Chinese. If you've ever heard the Hallelujah Chorus performed, it sounded nothing like that. It was joyful cacophony. I think about half of the notes were off, but it was still incredible. Sung in Chinese, sung in China, the song had new meaning. I had tears in my eyes. It would have been a perfect ending, but then Santa Clause came out and sang Silent Night in English. It was random. That’s how things work in China.

Afterwards we decided to walk home. The buses were still running, even though they normally stop at 6:30pm, but they were still packed. It was only about 45 minutes back to campus. The night was surprisingly warm and still filled with lights and people. As we got outside of the center of town the night became quieter and cooler. It was beautiful.

On Christmas morning I celebrated with the rest of the team. We opened stockings and had brunch (with homemade cinnamon rolls and gingerbread) in my apartment. Then we opened presents in Christina’s apartment. We got presents for each other. The Brennans had gotten several things when they were in Beijing (Dr. Pepper and Starbucks coffee!), the rest of us found things in Yangzhou (hats, gloves, pink bunny ears…), and a package from my family arrived just in time on Christmas day!

That evening we went out to dinner with some brothers and sisters we meet with here. They are special people. We still have the same language and culture barriers, but our common bond brings us close. We went to a restaurant near campus and ordered all our favorite dishes. Then we came back to play games and eat desert. Certain games can be challenging because of the language barriers, but we laughed a lot and everyone had a good time.

Before Christmas I was stressed and just wanting it to be over. After Christmas (namely, at 6am Monday morning), I was wishing it had lasted longer. I talked to my family on my Christmas but it wasn’t Christmas for them yet. Then I talked to them for just a minute on their Christmas before I rushed to catch the bus to go give my finals. Weird. It will also be weird at New Years. I’ll be in 2006 for a whole day before the rest of you get there. And yet, for the rest of China, it won’t be the New Year until January 28th.

While you may be feeling the after-Christmas blues, for me the best is yet to come. I’ve just got two more weeks of finals and then I’m headed off to Thailand! Warmth, sunshine, sandals. No long underwear, no gloves, no wool socks. The thought almost makes me delirious. Of course, before then I have to give (and grade) about 200 final interviews, record my final grades (and explain why several students failed), finish my Wheaton work (about 7 assignments to go…), clean the chaos that is now my house, and eat the 10 kg of oranges that the English department just delivered. We counted...51 oranges to divide between Corrine and I. I'm going to have so much vitamin C that germs will flee from me. :)

Loving to sacrifice

The Christmas season has been fun, but to be honest, I’ve kind of been dreading Christmas, a bit resentful because it won’t be as comfortable as I want. Because I will have to sit through a 3-hour, freezing cold Christmas service that I won’t understand. Because I won’t be with my family and can’t celebrate the way I want. Because by the time you are settling down to Christmas dinner, I’ll be heading off to give final exams. In my mind, Christmas means happiness—having fun and doing all the traditions and eating food and opening presents. Christmas even means stress and busyness and crowded shopping malls.
But nowhere in my schema, in the file drawer labeled “Christmas” do I find the idea of sacrifice, of suffering. That’s what Christmas is: a love so great that it demands suffering and sacrifice. A Father who loved his Son so much that he sacrificed him. I don’t understand that kind of love. Even when I think of unselfish love it is something that protects and cares for and gives to and enjoys the one you love. But submitting them to helplessness, poverty, isolation, taunting, suffering, and horrible death? How is this love? Yet the Son, the object of this painful love, asked “that the love You have for me may be in them.” Approaching the hour of his greatest suffering, in the midst of his agony, he understood this love. Christmas is not soft lights or warm fuzzies; it is a love so great we can’t even comprehend it, a love that sacrifices to the last.

O Father, help, lest our poor love refuse
For our beloved the life that they would choose,
And in our fear of loss for them, or pain,
Forget eternal gain.

Teach us to pray; O Though who didst not spare
Thine Own Beloved, lead us on in prayer;
Purge from the earthly, give us love Divine,
Father, like Thine, like Thine.
(Amy Carmichael)


I can break off from anyone,
except the presence within.

Anyone can bring gifts.
Give me someone who takes away.
(Rumi)

Frustration

“Tolerate ambiguity.” It was a skill they told us we would have to develop when we first came to China. I learned that on the first day of class when the classroom location had been changed but I wasn’t told about it. I remember it when we are invited in the middle of the afternoon to a banquet that night. I guess it’s been a while since my patience has been tested, though, because today when I received the e-mail about New Year’s holiday I was, shall we say, highly frustrated.

We found out today that there will be a school holiday January 1-3rd to celebrate the New Year. Tuesday classes are moved to Saturday and Monday’s classes are cancelled. Which would be great, except that it’s final exams! It is the last week of class, and I have already scheduled 90 students for final interviews on those two days. Now I will have to figure out how to contact the students and reschedule before the end of the week so that I will still have time to calculate and turn in grades (although I don’t yet know who I will turn them in to). I think I will go pull my hair out first.

In other notes, today is the first day of winter. And I was just wondering, what the heck has the rest of this been? Summertime? Who planned these seasons anyway?

Cold

Some people say that this is the coldest part of China. It’s not really, of course, but what they mean is that we are just south of the Yangtze River. Anywhere north of the Yangtze they have heat. Anywhere further south of us is naturally warmer. So this area is the furthest north you can go without the benefit of heat.

This morning I took a little digital thermometer to class, just out of curiosity. It was 46°F. I thought I could see my breath when we were singing Christmas Carols. Brrr. It's much better to be teaching though, because you are standing and moving around. The other day when I sat in on Christina's class, my hands and feet were numb after fifteen minutes. It’s not really so cold outside – low 40’s in the day and 20’s at night; it’s just not any warmer inside.

Admittedly, I am a wimp when it comes to cold. I hate cold. I wear two layers of long underwear under several other layers and I’m still cold. My blanket, hot water bottle, smart wool socks, and hot chocolate are my best friends. But really I can’t complain. I have heat in my apartment. It doesn’t keep it as warm as you are probably used to (I still wear at least 3 layers inside), but it’s significantly warmer than outside.

My poor students, however, have no heat in their dormitories or the cafeteria or the classrooms or anywhere they go. They leave on their coats and gloves and scarves all day and carry around thermoses of hot water to drink and to wrap their hands around for warmth. There is also no hot water in the dorms. They have to walk to a separate shower house which does have hot water, and they fill thermoses of hot water for drinking. They hand wash their clothes in the frigid water and hang them outside in the cold to dry. So you can imagine, they don’t shower or wash their clothes quite as often during the winter. I guess they are pretty used to it, although they certainly don't enjoy it. I sure don’t envy them.

Shopping in China: the good, the bad, and the really, really ugly

Today I went shopping. A word about shopping. I’ve never been a big fan of shopping, even in America. In China, there are the same annoying crowds around Christmas time…and every other day of the year. (Generally you can find a place to park your bike, though!) As soon as you walk into a store, eager sales associates crowd around pointing out objects and asking questions and saying things that you don’t understand. It’s hard to make up your mind with a crowd of people looking over your shoulder. I’m indecisive anyway. Then there’s the bargaining. Some people relish it. I just want to buy the thing and not have to argue about it for five minutes. Those are things I don’t like about shopping in China. It’s stressful.

Besides all that, it’s depressing to shop in a country where everything is too small. You think trying on clothes in America is depressing. In China it tends to end up the same way. I find out the end of the sleeves are halfway up my freakishly long arms and the wristband is cutting off circulation and the XL might fit if breathing was unnecessary.

But today I went shopping for boots. A word about boots. In the wintertime, everyone wears boots. Everyone. (Girls, anyway. I don’t pay as much attention to guy shoes. I’ll have to check up on that and let you know.) I’ve seen boots with buckles and diamonds and unidentifiable dangly things. I’ve seen leather and fur and leopard print and fuzzy purple boots. I think that it’s part of the teacher code to wear black, pointy-toed boots. I decided that if I wore a pair of boots (and a hat and five more layers) maybe I would get less scandalous looks and maybe my feet wouldn’t freeze.

So today I went shopping for boots at a big shoe store downtown. The whole store was filled with boots. It’s hard to make up your mind with hundreds of boots to choose from. I’m indecisive anyway. I was going to go for the knee-high pointy-toed boots, because if you’re going to buy boots, you might as well go all out. Even though there were dozens of different kinds of knee-high pointy-toed boots, I couldn’t find one that liked. I guess I’m picky. And I don’t like unidentifiable dangly things.

I finally narrowed in on a few possibilities. The store clerk was really nice, considering I couldn’t figure out anything she was saying. I asked for a 38 (whatever size that is) and she brought a 37. They were too small, of course. I kept asking about a 38. She kept shaking her head and saying something. I thought she didn’t understand. I’ve been in China long enough I should have known that I’m usually the one who doesn’t understand. She was probably trying to help me save face even though my feet were too big for their shoes. Sigh. I finally found a pair – a relatively flat, ankle high pair with warm fuzzy stuff inside. And they fit! Sweet.

Now the good thing about shopping in China: They were only 44¥. That’s $5.50.

Definately December

Yes, it is definitely December now. Last night I lay awake listening to the wind tear at the banners across the street. I heard the walls and windows crack with cold. I could see the shadows of the wimpy little trees whipping in the wind.

One good thing about the winter in China is that it doesn’t drive people inside. Nobody rushes to their heated cars or warm houses because they don’t have them. Cold as it is, my neighbors are still sitting outside in their courtyard and their windows are open. When the temperature inside is as cold as outside, you might as well be in the sun. The mom sat (for hours) knitting on a red sweater while her son squatted nearby watching.

So I decided to brave the cold and bike to the supermarket. I put on my long underwear, SmartWool socks, big boots, coat, scarf, hat, and mittens. The air was biting and the streets formed long wind tunnels. The wind was fighting against me, pushing me back the whole way. Sometimes I felt like it would have been faster to get off and walk, but it sure was a good leg workout. It took a good deal longer than normal to get there. By the time I reached the bike parking lot, I was sweating like it was summer time, but my legs and feet were still cold.

Since it’s the beginning of December, I’m already diving into the Christmas season. I love Christmas! Christmas music is amazingly cheering, as are the little smiling snowmen on my desk. Yesterday one of my students came over and helped me decorate. I have a little tree that one of the past teachers left and even ornaments to go on it. The one disappointment was that the lights I got at the supermarket turned out to be flashing! Not okay. I’m going to have to fix that.

Faith was excited to help. It was the first time she had decorated a Christmas tree. I showed her pictures of our family Christmas tree in the past, and she exclaimed over the presents and the massive numbers of ornaments, our family specialty. I was glad to have someone else to be excited with – decorating alone is no fun.

All the students who have come over are fascinated by the cool little nativity scene my mom sent me. I try to explain the story but it’s so foreign to them. How do you really explain all the history and significance. When you talk about “the Virgin Mary” in the West, a hundred images and connotations come to mind. But they don’t have that automatic reference. I keep asking for wisdom to know how to explain it all.

Last night I invited some students over and we watched The Polar Express. They all crowded onto the couch, and we ate hot chocolate and popcorn. They were thrilled by Santa Clause and the elves and the little Christmas bell. It’s going to be really fun to share Christmas with my students!